Does this Blog Make My Butt Look Fat?

It's that time of year again when we make New Years Resolutions.  I'm guessing a lot of people decided to work off the holiday pounds and that this year will be the year to get in shape.  I remember a couple of years ago when I was really into working out and watching what I consumed.  The gym I went to became obnoxiously overcrowded with new members.  I was happy to see the new faces but not as thrilled to share the equipment.  The past two years I've tried to stay motivated to work out or at least stay active.  Beer, tasty food, and lots of late nights at work have lured me into a trap.  I was down to 130lbs at one point (my high school weight).  Also, probably not a safe weight for a 30 year old male.



So many sexual innuendos here.



On the advice of my wife I lessened my strict diet.  She (as always) was right.  I put a little weight back on and felt even better!  Shortly after that I broke my year and a half committment to no alcohol, no sugar, no meat, no fast food, and no caffiene.  It wasn't so hard to just have a little at first.  But then, you realize it's a whole lot more fun to indulge.  Soon instead of leaving work and going sraight to the gym or kayaking I was going home with burgers and beer.  My motivation was lost.  Apparently what I forgot when I was on my diet, is that food and beer are really tasty.  They also go good together. 

88% of all people that make New Years Resolutions give them up within the first month.  This year for my New Years Resolution I'm growing a handlebar moustache, wearing a singlet, and lifting those round weights that Russian Muscle Men from the old timey photos would use.  My goal isn't to be skinny or even healthy.  It's to be a tough looking 1920's era muscle man.  I want to wrestle aligators, walk with my chest puffed up, proudly display a big moustache!  I may challenge random people to some fistacuffs, take up cigar chewing (not smoking, just chew on them real mean like), and drink from bottles with XX's on them.  I will diet on steak and the tears of pretty boys.  I will say things like, "BULLY" and wear a bowler hat.  I will crawl through the mud under barbed wire (did it) and jump over flames (did it).  I naming it right now, 2012 will be known as the year of the manly man!

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to punch mix some concrete with my bare hands.